one of those nights
Can it be that once again I am back to regretting something I have done? Yes. That’s exactly it. I’m regretting. It’s what I’m good at. It’s all I do. So what? I’m conscience and quite aware of the things I’m regretting, so where’s the harm in that?
I’ll give you a hint, the harm is located at the root of the problem; being so consumed with the fear of what people will think. That’s what brought me back here again, all tangled up in a ball of “should’ve, could’ve and would’ve”. But I didn’t.
Half the time I still believe I don’t really know what I want, although i make a big show as if i do.
I don’t. Or i do, i dont know again.
All i’ve ever wanted was to be happy, I am. So check mark for that on my goals list.
Now the real problem is being happy with another mind, body and soul.
Ha, makes a little sense now, huh.
So that’s the thing im regretting, actually feeling like, not necessarily finding “the one”, but rather finding another mind body and soul to play with and enhance total happiness to mine.
They did. They do. And they don’t anymore. Because of my constant need for acceptance from other people, despite the fact of my love for those people, its a constant thought in my head that my life shouldn’t be spent living this way. I should be able to be happy with someone else despite the rules, norms, opinions of others. Right? RIGHT?
Yes. I should. But is it possible that my emotions have an excessive amount of love/guilt?
I believe so.
But, nonetheless, pushing all of this aside, my issue still isn’t solved. Im still sitting here typing up all the things I constantly contemplate in my mind on why I do what i do. Do i really do it for me? Or so i make myself believe that so I can feel a little better about my self.
My mind is at the speed of the flash. Constant thoughts zooming back and forth on them.
My body craves theirs, in the most innocent ways possible. Just one of their hands i crave to hold at night. One of their deep breaths I wish to feel under my chin. One heartbeat from their chest that was slowly becoming closely in rhythm with mine after so much time spent together.
My soul, my soul. My soul longs for their gaze, not at me, but the gaze they have when they are speaking on something they’re really passionate about or even a blank gaze at the road while driving, while walking, while laying. Their constant silence that comforted me when i was silent in return, because sometimes talking about silly things was less important than just hearing each other breathe.
That’s it, I left even though i feel this. I let it go because he wasn’t “ready for a relationship” right now. Really? Thats why i left? after staying with men whom have done far worse than being honest, I left. It’s amazing though, i believe, that i can feel so much for them. But that’s what happens when you open yourself up from the start. Cause that’s what i did, i was myself, i was honest, i was insecure, i was on a roller coaster of emotions and i was me. And he was him(is that even grammatically correct?). He was open, himself, honest and everything he is as his own person.
How can i, be so absolutely selfish to the fact that he was being a man, he was being honest. How could there have been any possible bad intentions there? There couldn’t have been and there weren’t. He is a man. The only one i’ve probably ever “been” with. He balanced me out with his MB&S. Could that even be possible? after feeling whole for a while that he can possibly come out of the blue and balance my “wholeness” out? Well it is possible cause it happened. The measurement of the time spent together doesn’t connect to the vast amount of energy exchanged between each other.
And that’s just it again, i regret how little time i spent with him and how i didn’t even give it a chance, and here i was thinking it was him not giving me a chance. But he was, he was letting me into his life, his world, and no title or status of a relationship can compare to the short-spanned bond we attained while being together. None whatsoever.
my princess has grown up to be a beautiful queen
crys in corner
Everyone thinks that when you go to a hospital life stops. But it’s just the opposite, life starts.
I still want you to flirt with me.
Obama on gay adoption
yeah totally ruining this country what a horrible guy
boys over 6 foot <333333
FAVORITE SO FAR
bruh. game over. she’s marrying that guy and having really talented artistic babies.
Stop. Read this.
That shirt looks great on you.
I like it when you smile
I care about you.
It’s gonna be okay.
I’m so happy you’re alive.
Stay strong, everyone.
This needs to be on everyone’s dash
what if i’m not wearing a shirt
then your boobs are amazing